As a short recap, I was asked to leave my place of employment in December of 2012. My official last day was January 7, 2013.
Many things happened between then and now. A short summary of events that led up to the cause for this post:
In an effort to find a job, I was relocated [from Bakersfield to Ontario] to the friend’s townhouse of my ex-boyfriend….a woman with Lupus. Why is stating her condition relevant? She constantly points out how getting angry can cause her to have a flare up; I’ve mentioned to her that I can relate because once I get stressed beyond what I can handle, I fall into a Hemolytic Episode. I don’t think it really matters to her…
At the time, early February, I had access to a car [one of his cars], so I took the opportunity to get out and seek places of employment.
Things began to go south between me and my boyfriend at the time; I was okay with it since I had no desire to be with someone that would not listen to me…at all. No matter what I said, how I explained it, things just didn’t pan out in a way that left me feeling comfortable. He’s very ‘black & white’. That’s not how I operate.
After the car was taken away, I was left to my devices…walk or take the bus. Seeing as I have not had much cash to take the bus, I have spent my time developing my research, seeking networks for future endeavors, and struggling with a computer that shuts off when it so pleases.
So here I am, preparing to finally leave…when this woman decides to point out the dirtiness of the bathroom.
My response – it was pretty much like that when I got here.
She went berserk…and I haven’t seen a woman of color go berserk since the days I used to watch drama morning shows back in the 90’s [okay, that’s a slight exaggeration, but she did do the head and finger movements of anger and attitude].
She pointed out that I use it, so I should clean it. I said that I’ve cleaned the toilet and the floor of the shower in the ten times I’ve showered. Ahem, yes I’ve been using the bathroom sink to clean myself because I find it odd that I have to clean up behind her 21 year old nephew.
She states that he works; I respond that he has Thursdays and Fridays off and suggest that she speak to him about cleaning up behind himself.
That pissed her off even more. She pointed out that I sit in my room all day, doing nothing, never picked up a broom or a mop to clean the kitchen floor, and finished off with calling me lazy.
I pointed out that there are times I am not even in the house, that if I’m in my room, I am engaged with getting my craft in order [I don’t think doing research on dreams and their role on the development of identity and destiny really matters or makes sense to her], and that yes, I have not cleaned the kitchen floor since I’ve been here. I will of course take responsibility for not having done that. [yes I said all of this minus the brackets]
She got so outraged that she said she would kick me out the following day if I didn’t clean the bathroom. I responded that I would not clean it alone. She didn’t seem to like that; so she calls the ex-boyfriend [her friend] and complained.
He calls me and asks what’s going on. I couldn’t put it into words. He then asks why I haven’t cleaned the bathroom. I told him the whole story, from the beginning – she has not only complained about the uncleanliness of her son and nephew, she’s complained and nitpicked at things I have not contributed to. She stopped complaining about the dishes in the drainer when she witnessed me drying off my dishes as soon as I would finish washing them. He asked me to just clean the shower…I said I will not do it alone. End of discussion.
Now for her to throw a fit in this way…
…simply pointed to a much larger issue. One I will not go into.
Really? Are you seriously going to expect me to be a maid, to clean up behind everyone during my two month paid stay, when THAT was not the agreement? Am I REALLY missing something?
I honestly think not. I clean up behind myself. You would not be able to tell I was in the kitchen..apart from the lingering aroma of cooked food if I used the stove. However, the bathroom would be done as a semi-joint venture. I will stay in and clean to the extent I can handle the smell of the cleaner. Not too good for my blood. Her nephew will burden the rest.
[The nephew and I tag-teamed the bathroom anyway, him doing the most work]
Then there’s the thing when her ‘adult’ children [19 and 21] visit her. They leave the place a MESS. Who should clean it? Definitely not me. Not apologizing for it. Even if you throw in the ‘principle’ card. I bet there will be different perspectives on that one….
If I was not dealing with my ancestors and my predecessors [yes, there is a HUGE difference between the two in my case] at this time, or not engaged in the work I am doing involving their presence, I would not be posting about this…and I would not be who I am. I’m not using the tutoring sessions I am getting from them as an excuse to not clean the bathroom or clean the kitchen floor. My focus is on paying attention to the knowledge they are giving to me, and to make sure I don’t leave a mess behind myself. That’s it.
Oh, and finding time to eat, because I tend to get carried away with my work/lessons/craft; now to include making preparations to depart from these dwellings.
This ENTIRE experience – from arriving in California to now leaving, has shown me something VERY valuable. Moving forward will be done with a fine toothed comb; especially with regards to creating relationships [be they business or personal].
I need to munch on something sweet…..