I was told there was s ticket to Burning Man. I was perplexed because, well I was moving! I was packing the car to take what I essentially wanted to take [and needed] to California. How and why would I stop in Nevada? I mean it’s to soon. It won’t give me enough time to pack.
August 11th was when the car arrived in my possession. August 13th was when I was asked about Burning Man. The end of August was my scheduled date of departure. It was happening all too fast.
I took the two hours offered to think about the offer…and thought about it. I even checked in with my ‘Golden Compass’ and was surprised at what came up: “If you do not go now, you will be missing out something you need, setting you back in your evolution.”
So after two hours of mulling it over, I agreed to go to Burning Man. I also put out there that I needed a second driver.
Lessons are learned in every encounter, no matter how large, small or in-between.
August 23rd is when I left with my second driver.
Now…when we spoke over the phone, he asked for my sun sign. I didn’t see a big deal about it, so I told him – Cancer. He exclaimed that he too is a Cancer; and proceeded to make an odd request – for the two of us not to get married until after Burning Man, since Cancer’s tend to fall in love.
Hmmm…..I must be a rare oddity ’cause that isn’t the case for me.
I didn’t have a problem with that since I wasn’t getting an energetic spark from over the phone, so I agreed [and agreed to myself that it would never happen even after BMan].
For me, compatibly goes a lot deeper than sun signs – there’s the moon and rising, as well as how evolved the individual is – transcended cultural conditioning, released the self-image, knows their essential origin, and understands existence to the depths I do [or even deeper than]. AND, knows how to be accountable and responsible for his actions on every level; knows to read to the core of any issue or event, can cut through the facades and surfaces of any and everything. I’m going to point this out – Scorpio Moon’s [Scorpio’s in genera;] are really good at getting to the real core of everything, so I expect that in my partner.
Anyway, we left, and I allowed him to drive to begin the journey. The conversations were awesome! I was a bit on edge for the most part, with his lack of attention to the road:
I need for the driver to have both hands on the wheel, or at least one. Both of them cannot come off…EVER.
I need for my driver to pay attention to the road – what’s going on not just ahead but all around. Be aware and pay attention. If you want to physically look around, do so in the passenger seat. But I need you to expand your awareness and energy field beyond the front of you. If you cannot increase your bubble or field of energy in such a way, then please keep both eyes on the road.
And PLEASE, do not check Texts or search for someone to call WHILE Driving. THAT is my biggest NO no.
But that’s not the lesson I learned; those were peeves.
As time went on, some dissonance began to arise between the two of us. The problem wasn’t about what he did or did not do, or what I did not do to support his needs as a driver; it was all about COMMUNICATION.
Something both of us really didn’t utilize. There was plenty of assumptions – I assumed he knew where he was going and how to handle his being lost; and I believe he assumed I’d step up as a 5-star navigator and help him figure out where to go, perhaps by communicating to his friend that he was lost and ask for directions on how to get to where we needed to go.
I didn’t know we were lost. I suppose that’s no excuse?
Oh, and I loved how he, during the let off steam convo, pointed out at how I was taking pictures instead of being present to help him navigate, while we were in traffic – snails pace traffic no less – yet he failed to remember that he too was trying to take pictures. Hmm….yeah, right.
We both had smartphones – his was the iPhone…mine a SmartTalk. His GPS clonked out on him…mine was fully functional.
Again, communication would have been great between us both.
So Communication is ONE of the two lessons learned.
So we’re in St. Louis at this point, heading downtown [which was away from where we needed to be], looking for York St. He’d asked for direction from the driver to his right [outside of my window]; he was told to take the second left, because the first one was a one-way. My second driver must have been in a cloudy place. I know when I do find myself traveling into a cloudy place, I take the time to stop and bring myself to clarity.
Well, he ended up turning down the one-way street. Luckily for us, the cars were all at a standstill – the red light. That really got to me. I was upset, angry, annoyed, just down right PO’d. The first thing that went through my mind was “He’s no longer driving my car, and if so, it’s during the day”.
NOt to mention he’d asked me if it was okay for him to have a drink, with the expectation that he’d still be driving.
Huh? REALLY? You’d ask me such a question? Are you kidding?
THey have signs all over I-80 as you head further west [and I think Highway 1 in Cali] asking you to Please do not drink and drive. They even have the word ‘Please’ on the signs.
Okay, it may sound like I’m over exaggerating my post, but my life was placed in danger by someone outside of myself. That’s a huge NO NO.
Only I get to put myself in danger at my own risk.
Anyway, so he and I spoke about it; I told him that he won’t be driving if he couldn’t stay focused….and he took that as a threat.
If I m going to threaten anyone, I will STATE that it’s a threat.
This really upset me. This being at how MUCH power I’d given over to him; to a man I really didn’t know. We met through a mutual Acquaintance, whom is a friend of my friend. Still, this second driver was still a stranger.
And I’d foolishly placed a huge batch of my power into his authority.
So, I had to struggle with taking it back and figure out how to balance it.
And I must say, I enjoyed the process.
I’d pinched a nerve in my back at the beginning of July, and it healed itself. So after leaving Missouri, heading into Denver, I agitated it. Not so much with just driving overnight, but by holding in my aggravation and irritation [at him], as well as disappointment [with myself]. So we stayed a day longer than planned. I am glad I took the time to heal. ^_^
SO when it was time to leave, I began driving. It was in the wee hours of the morning [I think it was around 3am] – no sunlight yet. 😛
There was a time where I wanted to rest and allowed him to drive. But I also found it uneasy to do so. He’d spoken about his need to connect, about how he’d like his needs as a driver to be met as well. I totally understood where he was coming from…
It’s just that when I’m tired, I sleep. No questions asked. I honor my body. That comes first above all else. And, I don’t mind conversation, so as long as it has something to do with purpose – be it his or mine. I’m not interest in common talk. I know it’s probably an inaccurate phrase to use, but anything outside of talk pertaining to purpose work, is unappealing to my palate.
I even recall me trying to go to sleep and him wanting to talk, so he started a convo. I eventually fell asleep.
He also appeared to be tired – car was swerving, windows were opening and closing, constant yawning and a lot of fidgeting. So when we pulled over for gas and a breakfast meal to make do with, I decided to drive.
Oh and since he’s tall, we had to switch bags around behind the seats to make room for him to be as comfortable as possible. It was kind of challenging already – Eleanor is a 2-door Mustang. Not much leg room for the tall people.
Not sure if he was too happy about that, but it didn’t matter. I’d gotten the rest I needed, so I was going to drive. My car.
There were a couple of instances where I really wanted to give him a lecture about not taking things personally. Okay, three things.
The first flop – leaving Missouri.
I knew I should have changed my playlist on my iPod to prevent having to fiddle with it while driving. I know it well enough to not look at the screen, but still. That’s something I really don’t want to have to do, especially at night, going 65MPH. So I asked him to change the playlist for me.
I assumed he knew how to work a 2nd generation iPod, since he’s got an iPhone. An assumption I shouldn’t have made. I knew [and know] better. It was taking him some time, and I had to glance at him to figure out what he was doing – well, he was tapping the screen instead of using the scroll panel [the circular part on the iPod].
Out of frustration I snapped my teeth and took it from him, saying “Give me that”. I pushed ‘menu’, moved two clicks, hit select, then scrolled all the way down. How’d I do that without looking at the screen directly? Well I placed it in my peripheral view and was able to get what I needed.
I also didn’t like the fact that I had to do that while driving. Even if it’s for my own needs, I don’t like being distracted like that while driving at night. So I was upset at how I didn’t remember to do that while at the Walmart parking lot or even pulling over for a few seconds.
But his reaction a few moments later annoyed me. He stated for me to not take anything from his hands like that again – as if I were a child that needed scolding. He said I did it with disgust and he didn’t like it.
Firstly, I wasn’t disgusted; I was annoyed, and annoyed at myself for being in a dangerous predicament when I should have known better. It wasn’t just my life, but his too.
Secondly, if ya don’t know how to use the damn iPod, then say something!
There is no shame in saying “I don’t know”.
I tried to explain to him to not take things personally…and he didn’t seem to be convinced. Very well; I’m not here to cater to anyone’s emotional needs.
Really, I’m not.
It’s an honor and privilege to participate in the process of, but not my duties or responsibility.
The second flop –
We were at a gas station [one of the many along the way] and we’d both used the restrooms; and I ended up sitting in the car waiting for him to finish up. Apparently his door was locked and I hadn’t noticed or even knew how it was locked. When he tried to open it, I let him in, and he commented on if he was being punished.
I said no, and didn’t understand where it was coming from at the time…
The third flop-
While in Salt Lake City we managed to find a hostel to stay in. Before we arrived, he offered the bottom bunk. I said sure. Yet when we arrived, he seemed to want the bottom bunk. It was a wider matters, yet the same length as the top one [which was narrow]. It really didn’t matter to me, since it was a bed. I cared less, so I gave him the bottom bunk and took the top.
Now when it was time to sleep, it was so stuffy up top I asked if it was okay to tip the fan upward. He’d commented on whether or not that meant I wanted the bottom bunk. I said no; that all it meant was it’s too stuffy and I need some air.
He then came to realize that he should take a second look at how he’s reacting to what’s being said.
That was a relief to hear.
Overall, I enjoyed the lesson of personal power. I don’t care how old someone is [he’s a year older than my mother], the bottom line is mutual respect. I don’t need another father – they all seem to want to run away. I’ve been raised really well, so there’s no reason to have a need to chastise me. I AM an Adult. Damn near 30, so that crap is better left in the toilet.
By the time we reached Burning Man, I admit, I’ve had enough of being in his presence. I know I am overbearing at times…I think I’ve had enough of his dosage way back in Missouri. SO I was ready to drop him off. I had to tell him that as well. I didn’t want him to speak, I didn’t want him to tell me where to go, or how to do anything, because I was very capable of it.
Unless I’m physically incapable of doing something, let me do it myself.
Unless I ask you to, let me do it myself.
It’s perfectly okay to OFFER assistance, but if I say no, don’t take it personally.
Let me do it myself.
Communication and Personal Power…two lessons learned on the drive over to California.
I hear ya loud and clear….