Celest what are you doing? I say to myself, staring at the crooked mirror provided in the handicapped bathroom stall inside of the mall that I just happened to lock myself into, thank god there were no old ladies that had to use the bathroom because I couldn’t wait to get home to take three pregnancy tests, though there are two left that I hadn’t used yet but what was the point if three indicated clearly that I am positive and indeed pregnant; I mean unless they somehow got contaminated by public germs haphazardly floating in this stall meant for the handicapped but is that even possible; gosh I am really stretching it to make an excuse for getting knocked up so soon in a relationship, a bathroom stall of all places, but maybe if I go home and take the other two in the cleanliness of my bathroom they both will say I am positively negative and that the handicapped stall truly is a handicapped stall because it caused three pregnancy tests to become positive when they all should be negative; but who am I kidding with such a theory, I am pregnant; I can’t believe it, how could it be, we were both so very careful; he used a condom and I used contraceptives, unless I missed a day or switched a day, or what, what was it, what did I miss, how did this happen, I must have, I must have, oh no I can’t believe it, I can’t believe this, that’s what contraceptives are for, even for slipups like forgetting to put on a condom, those in the heat of the moments, oh how stupid of me, I bet it was that day when, that day when we, in his office, his birthday luncheon in his office; oh dear god!
If he had told me that he’d run into a woman he had slept with a long time ago and that she was pushing a stroller I would have believed him and would have laughed or criticized him for flirting so much, which is why I didn’t behave in that manner because then it brings nothing but trouble and I have told him that many times, when I trained him as an entry-level broker all the way up to now, but that wasn’t the case and all I could think about was how he described Celest’s reaction to him seeing the boxes, the two boxes he said that he saw which were opened, and the one applicator he saw fall out, and how Celest just burst into tears, not saying hello or goodbye but only saying not to tell Demetri yet, that she wasn’t ready to tell him yet but wasn’t sure how far along she was, and then hurrying off to her car, and Joshua said that at first, she didn’t even hear him calling to her and that when he finally approached her she jumped and turned so quickly that she nearly knocked his expensive food from his hands and when he tried to catch the food and prevent Celest from falling she dropped her bag to prevent herself from falling, grabbing onto to him for support, which was how he saw the applicator and didn’t know what to say other than are you okay? and not say anymore but look at her for her to say more and that was when she started to cry, and hearing this well I am not sure if I should be upset or angry or happy but I was for sure nervous or at least in a small way excited that it was Celest, that she was vulnerable and seeking the comfort and love that a woman would be seeking at a time like this and that she will be needing it from me and me knowing this or even thinking about it made me feel like the strong man that a woman in this state of vulnerability would be needing; I say that she is vulnerable now and only now because every other time I would see her or hear of her struggles she’s not vulnerable but very strong for a twenty-three year old and I will be that strong thirty-eight year old that will protect his family and all that is in his keep like a strong man is supposed to and all the while that I run this through my mind I become more confident and glad that this was a mistake and not planned because I am taking it well and I am eager for Joshua to finish his story and get over his shock so I can cancel my appointments, take a vacation and go to my woman, invite her to my home, calm her down and speak to her like civilized couples, like a family; I will be starting a foundation for a decent family, and I just cannot wait, though I am surprised at how I am taking this, hearing this from Joshua than from Celest, and before I can turn to look at my desk phone and call her he asks me what do I think of that, of him running into Celest like that and finding out that she’s pregnant but doesn’t want me to know because she seems afraid, ‘What do you think?’ he asks and I say that I don’t know what to think right now but that I will go see her to make sure he isn’t making it up just to pull my leg again and then he laughs that rich laugh that I have come to dislike but I don’t saying anything about it and I chuckle at my thoughts when he thinks I am laughing with him, which prompts him to leave my office, shaking off the discovery and says ‘Good luck buddy, I hope it’s worth it’ as if he read my mind, heard my thoughts of the plans I planned on making just moments ago, but I give a curt nod and close my eyes for a few moments relishing what he just told me – Celest, pregnancy tests, crying – Celest is pregnant, and is scared because I am just as scared but will not show it because if she can see that I am strong and handling it well it will give her that motivation we both need.
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