The “Ah ha” moment

I’ve always had a knack for wanting to understand why people do what they do, the how, and where it all came from. It probably didn’t make much sense obtaining a degree in Criminal Justice for my undergrad [or maybe it did], but it made a lot of sense getting a degree in Psychology for my masters.

Only, I decided to take the unbeaten path with the Masters: Transpersonal Psychology with a concentration in Creativity and Innovation.

That was the B-I-N-G-O of my curiosity and knack. I wanted to study the psyche, but I wanted to understand the process of creating. Instead of getting a degree in Art and a degree in Psychology – Transpersonal Psychology fit the bill.

I learned a lot more about myself and my process, which then led me to have a better understanding of everyone else. This probably made my curiosity more intense [and maybe a little obsessive]. I analyzed everyone I encountered, and in most cases, shared my analysis with them. Not so awesome of a move, I know – I ended up scaring a lot of people away. It took me a while to realize that not everyone wanted to be analyzed, hear things about themselves they weren’t ready to deal with, and that I should get permission BEFORE sharing, in the very least.

I felt I KNEW the way, the process of things. Yes, the ‘process’ of creating is the same across all industries and life/existence…it’s the product or how it’s expressed that’s different. I inadvertently made it my crusade to bring this awareness to the world so that people can better understand their process and create with…well, awareness of ‘how’ the process works. This crusade rooted itself so deep within my psyche that I hadn’t realized it until Life pointed it out.

My momentum began to slow. i simply observed, and only shared my opinion when asked or invited to.

What I’ve come to FINALLY realize is…Life really IS just an opinion. Existence is very, very beautiful. And I believe we as humans honor that existence through our uniquely personalized expression of it, and that’s called Life. It is an individual thing, shared in a group process that is universal….

That Universal process of creating…

…something I’ve forgotten about until now. It took 2 years since obtaining my masters, 6 years total, to realize that it’s NOT my duty to tell people about this process of creating and how to best utilize it – unless invited to do so. It’s MY duty to honor my existence, to explore and discover this process of creation and to utilize it for myself. I can talk about it and share it. I guess, through living it, being it, others will see, and then perhaps they’ll ask. I think the trick in this is to not DO with the hopes of being asked to share; but to BE authentically. Make sense?

I don’t have any issues with being authentic. I’m just at the drawing board again. “I want to help change the world!” No, I don’t want to do that anymore. I just want to express and honor myself, to the maximum. If it brings about change in others, then so be it. If it doesn’t, then so be it. I at least, accomplished what I SHOULD be doing: expressing myself.

What is it I’m passionate about? I used to be passionate about Dance. But something has changed – that part of me died not too long ago, and with it, this notion to share with the world this beneficial process of creating. You know how you try to salvage pieces of something destroyed, just so you can recreate something similar to what you once had? Well I’ve tried doing that so I can have something to ‘go on’. Try doing that from ashes – the fine residue carbon that crumbles on your finger tips. A big FAIL…

So the ‘Ah ha’ moment, is to create anew, with awareness. Step-by-step, moment-by-moment. Repeating the past wouldn’t do any good for me. Even in my failed attempts to at least draw something helpful from it, I’ve only been met with nausea and discomfort; so I at least know that I cannot reuse [the concepts] what I once used.

Maybe it’s not so much of ‘creating’ anew, as it is ‘creating from inner knowing’ without the censorship and judgment that hinders the majority of us [if not all of us]..:shrugs.:. I haven’t figured that one out yet.

Ah ha! Being presented with a new slate where time is a gift and privilege.

And I’m going to take advantage of it! .:.The conscious opportunist.:.

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